With
that simple statement I was instantly up in arms, so many flags went up inside
me: How could my daughter care what those stupid boys
think anyway? All these years of my subtle and direct teachings about how
girls don’t have to do girl-y things! What makes bongo drums not girl-y
anyway? She should stand up to these bullyboys and play her drums!
After
a moment of silent shock and outrage I used all my momma/facilitator skills to
move us into a constructive and brief conversation about this bongo drum
injustice and then we brushed our teeth and headed off to sleep.
On a daily basis I come
face-to-face with the clash of mainstream U.S. social constructs with that of
my own values and culture as an Indigenous woman and mother. Yet, while
this conflict within has been raging for most of my life, I continue to be
astounded and agitated by it. I know it is because I am the mother of three
girls. In my own life I have fiercely built within me a place of peace
and strength amidst my sometimes-chaotic battle with dominate culture. However,
whatever peace and wisdom I have found through my own experiences, I know my
daughters have their own work ahead of them.
In class we have talked about the many ways women and girls are under “attack”
in the United States, both directly and subtly. From the violence of rape
or domestic abuse to the disrespectful slanders of drunk men; from the
patronizing halls of legislatures to the everyday “innocent” exchanges in the
grocery store checkout lines, what this society expects of females surrounds us
both straightforwardly and subtly. I believe the subtle spaces are just
as dangerous to our daughters as the direct, for it is in the subtle spaces
that room grows to allow blatant injustices.
In the book Reviving
Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher, PH.D., Dr. Pipher
talks about the detrimental effects mainstream culture has had on young
women. In the book the author gives numerous examples of girls from many
different backgrounds and their struggle with the daunting task of finding
balance between contradictory messages of woman-hood. More and more fall
victim under the weight of it all and must then work to survive drug abuse,
eating disorders, depression and violence inflicted upon ourselves and from
others. While this book was first published in 1994 it’s content remains
painfully relevant in 2012. The short article "How To Talk To Little
Girls" by Lisa Bloom (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp)
gives a glimpse at some current day statistics. While this reality might
be difficult to deal both these writings offer positive ways to endeavor
forward.
It sometimes terrifies me to imagine all that my daughters
will have to endure in their lives because they are female. I know I
can not shelter them from the world instead I must prepare them to meet it. I only hope that I can give
them the tools to build their own peace amidst the chaos. As their mother I strive
to help them construct their warrior gear - strength of identity and place, of
self-worth and responsibility - so that they might meet their future
adversaries with self sustained power and strength. Whether they are our
daughters, our sisters, our nieces or the little girls yet to be born, I
believe it is our responsibility to find ways in which all can be
supported to play their drums loudly and proudly!
3 comments:
sorry this is 30 minutes late, plus I'm not sure why the font size is a bit crazy... ?
Something wonky going on with this post :-( I think some extra weird code must have found its way in :-( I was going to go in to fix the font, but can't even get in to edit the post. Haven't ever seem anything like this. . .Great post, we won't worry about the font :-)
Yeah, I tried to go back in and edit a few things and couldn't figure it out. :(
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